Gratification! We all long for it. We strive at work and excel strenuously at what we do to earn it. The question is: is it really worth the effort? Surely it makes us feel better since someone recognizes our efforts. It motivates us and helps us excel in our capabilities. It strengthens self-confidence and encourages participation. But what if we learn to motivate ourselves without it? Can we then see things from a different perspective?
To think of gratification as a tool that builds one’s self-confidence is a bit restrictive. If we isolate our self-confidence from being affected by what we receive from others in the form of gratification, we would then be shielding ourselves from expected behavior. People thrive on other people’s creations but do not necessarily acknowledge it. And that is an expected outcome that we as people should not try to change.
How about if we think of ourselves as contributors only and not receivers. We are here to give away what we can and never expect to receive anything in return. I’m not referring to monthly earnings from a job or a business but rather to our relationships with others – with our friends, colleagues, and family members.
I bet life won’t be as difficult if we put ourselves into expecting nothing from others. Because it’s only our expectations from others that infuriates us to thinking: “no one really cares”, or “I always call him/her but they never ask about me”, or “I’ve always fixed his computer but that’s the only reason he contacts me”, and many other such self-agonizing thought processes.
What if we’ve decided to help others just because we want to and not because we expect anything in return? You might argue: “I don’t want any money from him/her. I only want to know they appreciate what I’ve done for them. Perhaps one phone call or a visit or an invitation to the restaurant for a meal will do it”. But that’s just exactly what frustrates us when we realize expectations for our deeds may go unnoticed.
It should not be about the money and it should not be about the other party’s behavior that determines our self-gratification. It is how we think about ourselves that matters. And if we have exerted ourselves for others without any expectations in return, it is then that our perspective on life changes. We become more positive and we learn to appreciate ourselves. And finally if someone does really show us appreciation, then that is just another added bonus to what we already have. These are only my thoughts and I know it’s the only to fight the negativity that plagues our lives.
Should I expect love then? It’s difficult to say. But it would be safer to think like: “I want to love others instead”. If we think of our lives as givers and not receivers, everything that follows from there will and should not influence how we perceive ourselves. So instead of focusing on receiving love from your partner, perhaps we should start focusing on giving more love to them. There’s no room for “and if they don’t love me in return?” anymore.
Should I expect that someone reads this? I don’t know!!
Never Expect the Unexpected!